Sunday, October 08, 2006

Gallery of Tacky Rings found on Ebay pt. 4

If you're new to this, here are the earlier volumes:

Gallery of Tacky Rings Part 1
Gallery of Tacky Rings Part 2
Gallery of Tacky Rings Part 3

I'd like to start with a confession... *I* own a tacky ring and it may very well end up on Ebay soon, so watch for it if you're into this type of gaudy jewelry.

Yes, my dear old grandma gave this door knocker to me supposedly because she though I'd get a great kick out of it.

In case you're wondering what it is made out of. The center stone is an enormous 16.5 x 12mm aventurine quartz cabochon set atop an art nouveau head and shank made out of 14k white gold.

Lately, I wonder what drugs my grandfather was consuming when he made this purchase. Or, perhaps he wanted a nice sturdy ring for grandma to punch thugs and irritating daughter-in-laws with if the situation came up.

Moving right along...can you figure out what hell this is?

The description says "orange tube ring." I see the orange and I sort of see the ring part, but what exactly are they refering to when they say "tube?" It honestly looks more like the crown prince of the planet zogg keeled over and decided to start sobbing. He depressed because he's so ugly. His friends are depressed too.

Speaking of planet Zogg:

We come in peace and we bring you meat!!!!!!
Ah yes, you too can have a slab of bacon worn knuckle to knuckle. I'm sure it works great as an ice scraper too. I think that meaty looking thing is agate.

As for this one:

I can't figure out what is more tackier: the fact that there's this enormous hunk of rose quartz teetering atop a mess of wire or the fact that there's an encaged bill inside. What is this ring trying to say?

Money is evil! It allows wankers to buy shit like this!!!!

For the drag queen in all of us:

Boom chicka chicka chicka Boom chicka chicka chicka
Boom chicka
Boom chicka
Boom chicka chicka chicka

This one is lovely:

It works great for dips and salsas!

For those who want to honor Marge Simpson or perhaps it's an ode to half eaten cotton candy. This one calls out to all purple lovers. I know a lot of purple loves. None of them would ever wear this ring.

Good intentions gone wrong:

Does the figure on the left have diamonds as boobies????
I can appreciate this as a sculpture, but at the same time, do you really want to wear something that looks like 3 women are having an orgy humping a giant pink sapphire? I believe this ring was commissioned for some sort of breast cancer awareness campaign, but maybe it was for a porn site.

For the porn site celebrating males:

Either that or it's for the Society of Teapot Enthusiasts. Why would you ever mount a slab of amber that way? I guess you could pick your teeth with the phallic looking thing up front.

M-I-C...K-E-Y...M-O...wait a second. We've been through this before.

Honey, I dropped the colander in the garbage disposal by accident, but don't you worry! I saved it and made ya somethin'...

If you like your eggs over easy:

Unfortunately, I see these kinds of ring on Ebay quite frequently. $4200 is the "appraisal" value for this "fancy yellow diamond ring." There's nothing fancy about this! I'd rather wear a bottle of dijon mustard on my finger than this piece of shit. As one clever user on Diamond Talk said:

I'm betting the "cert" says 1.72 ct VVS1 Fancy Yellow translucent diamond with small transparent inclusions. Ick!

Another jeweler even noticed that the prongs aren't even secured onto the stone (look at the upper left prong). Frankly I'd be relieved if this stone fell out of my setting!

I've known irritating users on jewelry forums who actualy like this ring:

Let me tell you something. At some point a burnt out artist is gonna start making things just to pad his retirement fund and this is easily the case. Just because he's famous and just because a ring costs an arm and a leg does not mean it is within good taste. It looks as if he left the torch on for too long and accidentally over melted the rib work on the setting.

What the hell is that little diamond doing in the middle of the mexican fire opal? Everyone has a freaking belly button stud these days--even gemstones. Furthermore, the undershank looks as if this poor ring has goiter and warts. Bleh..



Blogger stitchwitch said...

Woah! These rings are truly ugly. I can't even decide which one I think is the worst. Congrats on another great post of "Gallery of Tacky Rings found on Ebay."


Monday, October 09, 2006  
Blogger heavy metal mom said...

just when you thought it was safe to look at a blog...ewww. I really didn't think you could top the last round of rings, but these are GOD AWFUL!!!

Monday, October 09, 2006  
Blogger johnnyleechang said...

i like the last one, i will purchase it.

Monday, October 09, 2006  
Blogger cchang said...

I think that slab of bacon one takes the cake for me. I mean, why????

Jbro you're nuts. I dare you to buy that ring.

Monday, October 09, 2006  

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