Friday, January 27, 2006

Gallery of Tacky Rings Found on Ebay pt. 1

I'm on a jewelers forum and while discussing about beautiful pieces and design marvels is a lovely past time, we also enjoy ripping apart butt-ugly tacky jewelry especially if they come with a lofty price tag. Now, there are several criteria points which constitutes "tacky" but the one thing that is important to remember before thoroughly mocking a piece is that it must be wearable or intended to be worn first. Nothing is truly tacky until it has been seen in public. There are many concept art "mini-sculptures" out there that were made for the purposes of design and visuals only (think Haute Couture clothing), and those items are not included for scrutiny.

Craptacular pieces of adornment abound since humans, let's face it, are rather vain. What better place to study human possessions than Ebay? Even after focusing on just high-end designer rings made of precious metal, there were hundreds of rings to choose from and the discussion threads just grow day by day. Here are a few highlights:

This is an engagement set from the 60's. I suppose the designer was going after the whimsical "mod" look, but this ring looks like it has smallpox.

Set in platinum and 18k yellow gold, this ring has the low starting bid of $5999 for this one-of-a-kind thing-a-ma-bobber. Frankly, if I were the metal smith, I'd never make another one again. I guess, however, it could be used as a fancy phone cradle.

This ring looks like it could store a year's supply of Prozac in the compartment. Either that or a momma robin is really pissed off right now that someone stole her egg.

Somewhere in there, there's a cluster of 7 diamonds. Not sure.

Obviously the bench jeweler was cleaning out old inventory and decided to lump all his leftover smaller stones into one tacky ring. This doesn't even make any compositional sense....and is it one ring or two? I'm so confused.

LOOK! Boobies! What a waste of extremely fine quality natural pearls.

More Boobies! Or, maybe the jeweler stole some more eggs from a robin and mounted them on 14k yellow gold. Someone on the jeweler's forum asked if those were gumballs. Supposedly they're turquoise. I can't figure out how these are mounted either---probably just glued on.

Fake boobs? Okay, I'll stop now. I realize this is an antique ring, but there is a reason why some styles are copied and some aren't.

This one is multipurpose...

And they thought it was impossible to make a ring out of a cream puff...

Frankly this looks like gold plated dog-dookie. You can barely see the amethyst crystal trapped underneath. The ring was described as "organic" looking. Indeed!

Even if it is 2 cts, it still is ugly. Yes, ladies and gentleman, this is an I3 industrial grade diamond engagement ring. The value that the seller claims it to be? $4650.

Is it meant to be a faucet dripping water? Is this Freudian? I have no idea.

Again, another case of a bench jeweler using up inventory, but at least he focused on moonstone. I would think this ring is dangerous near young children but for the low price of $65 that's the price you pay.

For sure this one is certainly dangerous!

Lastly, Message to Snow Queen: Someone stole your headdress I was a little torn about this one since the quality of the stones is just magnificent (supposedly all VS1, D-F color), the setting is well executed in platinum and it is aesthetically pleasing in a ostentatious way. However, why spend so much money on ring guards (the center ring was not part of the auction) when you could get a whole new ring? It is just way too overdone--not even the queen would wear it, I'm sure. Goes to show, too much of a good thing can be bad.



Blogger sarah said...

these cracked me up. awesome. :)

i think the two carat diamond is the worst of all. you can imagine that the others are tongue-in-cheek even if they weren't really meant to be...but diamonds are so expensive, and that one...ugh. some poor stupid person paid for that.

Sunday, January 29, 2006  
Blogger Monica said...

OH more. I can't take it. Those are
the ugliest rings I've ever seen.

I especially hate the cream puff.

Monday, January 30, 2006  
Blogger cchang said...

I think the worst for me is the gold plated dog dookie.

Monday, January 30, 2006  
Blogger hardly_angelic said...

The moonstone one reminds me of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Friday, February 03, 2006  
Blogger Moonrose said...

The second one is more what I always envisioned a Sports Championship ring to look like. Has that whole "arena" thing going on!

Friday, February 03, 2006  
Blogger cchang said...

Buaa haaa. that's awesome Sam. Yes, indeed it does have, um "room"

Sunday, February 05, 2006  
Blogger Lachlanjack said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Saturday, July 29, 2006  

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