Tuesday, March 18, 2008

somewhat melancholy rambling

It feels like a fall day, oddly. Wind blustery and smelling like burn leaves. The gale force is so strong that no matter which way I turn, my hair is in my face. The sky is grey and overcast--I think we're on tornado watch and huge thunder storms are just around the corner. I'd do anything to be in a soft bed cuddled up next to something warm and comforting be it a human or kitty.

I should have worn boots with my outfit today but grabbed a pair of sandals instead. I feel especially short. I barely stand an inch above 5 feet and my normal shoes give me about 4 inches of lift so that I can somewhat compete height-wise with a standard female, but today, I'm barely 5'2'' and discovered that I can't see what all is located on the top shelf of my work cabinet. Crazy what a couple of inches would do!

On a related note, it's a huge pet peeve of mine when a person lies about their height, especially a guy, on their driver's license. I knew someone who was barely 5'9'' who claimed to be "close to 6 feet." That's a huge turn off and something so easy to disprove! Apparently a lot of men lie about their height (about as often as women lie about their age or weight) even people I would expect to not get a complex about it. I can proudly say that T is not one of these guys. He's 5'10'' and a quarter inch. He towers over some of my friends who claim to be 5'11.''

I'm pretty good a gaging height. My sneaky way of measuring is by hugging the person. For the record, when I hug T without shoes on, my arm comfortably go around his waist and easily rest on his ass while my nose hits the part here his sternum and diaphragm him. I definitely can not see over his shoulder.

Went back to ballet in a long while. I figured I'd rather be in physical pain than be down so often. The lack of dance has really gotten to me and I figured my foot pain has gone away enough that I can manage. Anyhow, it felt so wonderful to be in class again. I kept eyeing myself in the mirror thinking to myself: "Okay not too bad! Not too bad! The little tummy is kinda cute. My legs are still thin. I'm still flexible. Feet are still strong. Arms need more work, but still...not bad."

The funny thing that I did not account for, however, was the weight of my hair! It's gotten so long that the bun in the back is somewhat substantial and I discovered that I now tip backwards whenever I turn. Who would have thought of that? Theoretically, one would continually take classes so the growth of hair would be a non issue as you adjust your technique daily. It's been 6 months or so since I really took class and wow...my center of gravity totally changed!

Anyway, I slept really hard last night and had a whole slew of bad dreams. In one of them I was wading through knee deep water looking for a silver bracelet that my husband had playfully tossed into the water. As a trudged through, just below the surface, I saw two large glimmering cerulean eyes staring back at me. They belonged to a toddler with platinum colored hair and he was smiling slightly. When I reached down to grab the baby out of the water, his body disintegrated into a multitude of colorful guppies. As beautiful as the image was, I felt sad....

I know precisely where I lifted the imagery of the baby underwater from. J and I were exchanging childhood stories not too long ago and he told me of the time when his family went out swimming at a lake when he was 2. He was playing on the shore while his mother watched him. She had diverted her gaze for just a few moments and when she looked back up, her baby was gone. Screams and panic. No child could be seen along the stretch of shore. In a panic, she ran into the lake, worried now that her only son had drowned. It was then that she looked down and saw her toddler looking right back up at her through the water, two big blue eyes opened in wonderment and I imagine a smirk, holding his breath just below the surface. He's not sure if he was lying back or standing underwater, but I'm sure that's a horrific experience for a mother to go through. Anyhow, obviously that story made an impact of me, although for what reasons I do not know.

I haven't slept well for a long time and even though I slept hard last night, I think I could have used another couple more hours especially after that dream. I'm also really sore from ballet last night.

As a side note, one of the cats brought us a dead garden snake as a present. That too set the mood for an odd day.

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Blogger thevitaminkid said...

How do you remember your dreams? I know I had some weird dreams last night, but now at 11am I couldn't tell you what they were if my life depended on it. If I wrote them down immediately upon waking, that's the only way I could retain them.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008  
Blogger Mentok said...

I have an odd perception of height. People seem taller or smaller to me depending on my assessment of their intelligence. I have a friend who is a bit of a twit and it took me years to realize that he's several inches taller than me. Vice versa, I feel very intelligent people can have a physical presence independent of their height.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008  
Blogger carrotpreacher said...

Hello, great blog, I noticed you had Underworld listed as one of your music favorites which leads me to believe that you like electronica which also leads me to think we have similar musical tastes. If you do, please read my latest post (in fact, read the last few to understand what my blog is about). I'm trying to get this music thing going grassroots style.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008  
Blogger cchang said...

TVK-I suspect I hit REM right before I wake up, but for the most part, I don't have any problems remembering my dreams. They tend to be super vivid. Out of habit, T and I will discuss whatever we dreamed about on our drive down to the bus stop so that further solidifies the memory.

I agree with you that intelligence and confidence can definitely alter perceived height. I liked the phrase a former boss once used (she was one helluva firecracker): "I'm only 5 feet tall, but I'm tall for me height" Proportion also affects perceived height too. I'm kinda leggy, so people tend to think I'm taller than what I am (even without the boots). By far the biggest misread was 5'6''. Goodness!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008  

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