Wednesday, May 16, 2007

relationship muckety muck-muck

I have a bad tendency to focus on the negatives sometime, but it's been one of those weeks where I have to scratch my head and either go "life is really unfair" or "what the hell is up with the universe these days?"

Before I list the various relationships amongst my close friends that have fallen apart this past, let me remind you, that there are plenty of people in peachy creamy unions right now, me being one of them (and of course Sandy and her lovely male friend. When I say she's glowing, I mean, she could lite up a dark alley with her radiance). It's just that lately as in the past few months many icky breakups or near breakups have been occurring faster than I can count.

I had jotted these tumultuous pairings down on a napkin during lunch to convince myself that all isn't that bad, it seems worse than it is, yada yada, but gah...there's more than I can credit to merely plain old coincidence, ill timing or whatever.

In the past year or so, these are accounts of what some of my married/engaged friends went through:

-B and H married 30 yrs. H goes off with a 22 yr. old and gets her pregnant

-M and J married 15 years. J can't hold job due to pornography addiction, his practice tanks, and they're severely in debt due to him not processing insurance claims from his patients he treats. One child together. Working on saving marriage. I don't agree.

-M and S married 4 years. M is physically and emotionally abused by her mother-in-law for most of that time while husband sits idly by. Runs away with daughter and vanishes without much of a trace except for an email to me stating that she's safe now. Legally, they're still married.

-J and N together for 4 years, engaged for ??? After rehashing grad school plans numerous time, location changes, job changes, basically committing to devote the next years of his life around her so that they can settle and have children, N leaves J without much explanation. This leaves J living in a hotel room for the past few weeks.

-P and C married for 4 months. Marriage annulled by judge after witness accounts of C repeatedly stabbing P with pencils, knives and needles. Physically abuses him in other ways due to his inability to perform sexually. Reason: P is gay

-S and A married for about a year. A tries to get S to act more like a housewife, bear kids and settle down. Turns out S has same reason to break off relationship as P above, but at least they divorced in a civil manner. Still, it was sad to see the intermediate events as they happened.

-T and S married for less than 6 months. Turns out T was using S for sexual gratification and a fucking green card. S still very much in love with T...

-K and J together for about 3 years. One child. Another on the way. J asks for divorce one month before K's due date. Reason: frustrated at lack of sex in marriage and jealousy towards her more successful male friends.

-L and K married for 10 years, I believe. Ugly Ugly Ugly divorce. One child together. Long drawn out custody hearings. K folds due to mounting legal fees.

-S and R stable marriage for 4? years. R commits emotional adultery with old flame. S devastated. Trying to save marriage. Got my hopes up that they will save their marriage.

That's 10 couples right there. I may even be missing a few. All these pairs are close friends of mine and it is interesting that a lot of these dealt with sexuality. I'm not sure if sex is that important to marriage. There's something to be seaid about intellectual intercourse, I but I won't go into that. :)

This list doesn't count the breakups or rocky relationships I've merely heard through the pipeline either. I'm not including my dad who died even thought that's a REAL completely unavoidable (but perhaps more painful) severing of a relationship.

If God wants to tell me that I've got a good husband and that I should be appreciative: I GET IT OKAY? Please stop hurting my friends!!!

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Blogger sarah said...

that was fascinating. sad, but fascinating. i think sex is important to marriage (along with sexuality, heh), but so are other things.

do you have time for lunch this friday? i'm free until 2 that day. let me know what your schedule looks like.

miss you!

Thursday, May 17, 2007  
Blogger cchang said...

As in tomorrow? I think may actually be free.

I think I get most turned on by my husband when he's on his hands and knees scrubbing kitty puke from the carpet. :P

Thursday, May 17, 2007  
Blogger Monica said...

I am shocked that you know that many people who are having troubles all at once, but then again you know a lot of people - it's tragic.

I think sex is extremely important in a marriage, but it depends on the people involved of course. Some have higher libidos as we have discussed before - and some people tend to take their spouses for granted.

I say the grass isn't always greener unless there is abuse in the relationship - then the grass is not only greener, but plush and comfortable.

Thursday, May 17, 2007  
Blogger dasMobius said...

I really don't know what this world is coming to. It makes me sad. It really does.

Friday, May 18, 2007  
Blogger cchang said...

Yeah it is sad. It really makes me depressed too.

Monica, I actually don't know that many people at all which is why the list is so bothersome. Am I really surrounded with that many unstable people? What is it about my friends that cause them to have tumultuous relationships? Is it a indication of what may come for my marriage or other friends' marriages? These are things to consider...they may be correlated and that bothers the heck out of me.

Out of everyone who has commented above me, all 3 of you have gone through 1 divorce each.

Friday, May 18, 2007  

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