Thursday, December 29, 2005

Too Much Stuff...

I'm at this awkward stage in my life at the moment. I'm out of school, working in a stable job, married to a great husband, settled in a city I like, living without debt (except for morgage, of course) and most importantly, living without children. When I was in school, goals were a lot more clean cut, simpler even, and in many ways easier to attain. All I had to do was study every now and then, pull an all nighter when necesasry, pray for good grades and graduate. I suppose picking a major wasn't a particularly easy task, but it only took about two years to figure that one out. Job hunting was really the same game. Instead of papers there were resumes. Instead of tests there were interviews. Instead of grades there were call-backs and offers.

So, it seems to many people, the natural step is to start a family. Now I'm not particularly opposed to having kids, but at the same time, I'm just not in the mood to birth one. That whole maternal drive that most women have doesn't exist in me and the idea of needing to take care of a helpless little human being who could potentially hate me in the future is utterly unappealing. I'm happy with my kitties, thank you very much. With that said, I've found lately, there isn't much to strive for and that's somewhat uncomfortable.

People tell me I ought to travel more, but I'm not big on travel. Never was. Maybe it is because I traveled so much as a kid. In fact, I went to kindergarden in a Brittish-run Catholic school in Taipei, Taiwan for international students. How's that for being multicultural? I also hate planes. I've got issues with my eustation tubes and a permanently blocked sinus so often I'm in physical pain when I fly. I remember once when flying to Tokoyo, I had a bloody nose that kept resurfacing every hour. Fortunately, that doesn't happen often anymore, but oh the trauma...

All these things combined means that I spend too much money. Sarah can tell you that I can blow a couple hundred dollars on beads when I get in the groove.

To partially remedy the situation, I went scavaging through the house finding things to sell today. None of them were made by me, btw. I love crafts and I make jewelry, but I have a hard time letting go of items that I create. If I do let them go, it is usually to a good friend who can appreciate the labor involved. I have sold things in shops, but they're usually high end specialty establishments that give me 75% to 80% of the cut. Can't loose there, but at the same time when I see a stranger wearing one of my creations, I can't help but wonder if they understand what went into the trinket that adorns them. Then I start making up reasons why they're not worthy. You can see the issue here.

Anyhow, today I went rummaging for things that I own that I could sell. I really suck at parting with things.

The problem?
Once I start describing the item, it starts sounding too good to let go of.

Here's an example:
I have this beautiful custom made sapphire and diamond ring I bought when I landed my first job. I wear it on occasion, but I'm not really attached to it. That is, until I started taking pictures. I spent all afternoon polishing the ring, getting the lighting right, making sure the hues of the sapphires were properly represented, etc. Once I uploaded the image, I fell in love with it all over again. I mean, look at this ring. Is it not gorgeous?

Wow, if I saw this on e-bay, I'd buy it immediately! I thought to myself. So, obviously I'm having separation issues. I don't need this ring. I don't even really wear this ring, but then again, I don't like the idea of some stranger buying this ring either even if they did cough up my asking price of $2000 in cash. *sigh*

Silly ain't it?

I went through this same exact problem with my beautiful Buffet oboe that I don't play because it makes blood vessles in my eyes explode and I sound terrible on it (think wounded goose...). As I was looking up its value, I was like: Holy shit! This thing retails for four grand. Wow! I should hang onto it so I can sell it one day...wait a second.

I think the real issue, in the back of my mind is that I'm terrified that one day my comfortable living will end (damn, that stupid on-line tarot reading) and I might be hard up on cash. God forbid, I may need to hock all my treasured items, so that's why I'm having a difficult time letting go. Who knows?

I really do need to get rid of that damn oboe though.


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