Monday, October 08, 2007

windows and clinginess

First off, a cute picture of Avani courtesy of Amy:

Like with Jay, I tend to get Avani withdrawal if I don't see the dear friend regularly. Jay's across campus. Avani is just downstairs but due to her massive workload and insane amount of meetings, I actually see her less. Maybe it's because these two are some of the most altruistic and introspective individuals I've ever known or perhaps it's simply because conversation threads are always interesting and fulfilling with either (not to mention frequently identical in content when you compare them...kinda scary) or maybe it's just because they both let me steal their food regularly and give great hugs...whatever the case, it occurred to me that I'm in a foul mood in part because I am sorely missing both of them a the moment which is so ridiculous because right now I'm located only a few blocks from either.

At the moment, in between writing a few lines of code, I am of course blogging. I'm situated at the Alumni center's coffee shop sitting in one of the window seats facing South. The surroundings are lush and green and from here with the canopy of trees it's difficult to tell that football stadium is only 50 feet away. There's Snow Patrol blaring on the radio. This to anyone familiar with the topics of this blog is also known as "Jay Repellent" as he hates this band yet ironically, all the lyrics read like his life.

I have no idea what Avani thinks of Snow Patrol, but a small part of me is unabashedly imagining her walking down the tree lined path that I see out this window. I can imagine her trotting along at a fast pace with her long legs sporting sensible shoes and tousling her thick and dark well-conditioned hair to get the bangs out of her face. She'll probably be mildly flustered after her long assessment meeting and needing some sort of refreshment, so she'll bound through the doors and order a small coffee with her strong and completely perfect diction shocking the baristas momentarily with the rich timbre of her voice. As she waits for the order to ring up, she'll quickly return the barrage of text messages her various friends have sent her. Perhaps a head scratch and then an adjustment of the glasses at this point. People will notice how smartly dressed she is in her pressed shirt and slacks and more than a few will admire her athletic 5'8'' frame. Then after getting her coffee cup, she will most likely notice me here as she adds her cream and sugar. She'll squeal "Cindy Bear" and would immediately come over. We'd catch up, have a great and wonderful conversation about spirituality or the complexities of human nature and I'd feel energized again able to concentrate because I know somewhere in this world there is someone who is truly interesting yet accessible to me...course I won't complain if Jay walks down this path too.

In contrast to Avani, he'd amble along in his ratty green shoes, quintessential green polo shirt and well worn blue jeans, most likely puffing a hand rolled cigarette and completely oblivious of the people who walk by. No one will notice his cerulean eyes because he's always looking down or far away. He won't care that he's incredibly late to his meeting that's going on at the moment. What difference would another 15 minutes make? If it's not tied back, he'll probably be messing with his hair as well, flipping the elbow length golden colored locks badly in need of a trim over his shoulder as he hastily checks his text messages that he never returns with his scuffed up phone. He'll probably open the door and let whoever was behind him in first. He'll say hi to all the baristas behind the counter in his friendly voice that bares the slight north Texas accent he's never quite lost despite living in Austin for the past 7 years. After ordering his espresso, he'll check his text messages again all while rolling his eyes at the music playing over the loud speaker (remember, he hates Snow Patrol...). In order to ignore Snow Patrol's crooning, he'll chat with the gal behind the counter who so obviously has a crush on him and then he'll scrutinize the foam in his cup assessing the size of the steamed milk bubbles (he used to be a barista too). In all likelihood his back will be facing me as he adds a slight amount of cream (no sugar) to his drink and then he'll carry the cup outside and bask in the Texas sun. As he rolls up yet another cigarette this would be the point where he'd look through the window and see the familiar buddy typing up the vacuous details. If our eyes meet he'll give a sheepish grin and a chuckle. He'll hold up his finger signaling "1 more minute" as he hastily inhales his tobacco smoke, then after putting out the embers and carefully disposing the end, gather his things and walk through the door face stone cold and voice without expression announcing "Hey dude" or "Cinders!" depending on his mood. After a quick squeeze of the shoulders the conversation would go on pretty much identically as what Avani and I would have done...

Course this is all speculation. And in reality, Avani's booked all day and Jay, seeing that it's only 12:30pm is probably still asleep. If I think about it hard enough, I bet I'd have to call out their names to notice me because they both tend to have their head in the clouds and walk around oblivious to their surroundings.

So, here I am alone at the coffee shop needing to do my contract work but wanting instead to sit down with a friend to have a long meaningful conversation. I miss that. A LOT. A good portion of college was spent in coffee shops just talking and sharing a discussion. My biggest pet peeve is when someone derails a conversation and points it to whatever they and they alone want to talk about. One to one or group situations, it doesn't seem to matter. Air time gets sucked up into their bubble and no one's opinion really counts because they like the sound of their voice so much. You'd be surprised how many people are this way. I tend to shut down in these situations. Fine. Let them have the soapbox. If I speak or don't speak, it makes no difference...

People around me are engrossed in their laptops or cell phones. All I hear are complaints about homework and exams, office gossip and other vapid stuff... and it's draining. I think I need to change locations and go to the library or something.

I can't help but wonder what would happen if the two of them crossed paths and struck up a conversation on their own at that coffee shop. Where would it take them? Where would they leave off at? Would they find each other fascinating or incredibly boring since their convictions are so similar? Would they irritate each other because their mannerisms are so different? Who knows?

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