Hospice Care
Today was a good day. I'm not sure if it is the meds or just plain acceptance, but dad's mellowed out.
We met with the oncologist this afternoon and from the lab work my dad's too frail to even undergo chemotherapy. The doctor explained the situation to him very patiently and assured him he could always change his mind if he really wanted to put up the fight but was very frank about the risks involved. Dr. Glover then allowed him the time to quietly think this through without the input of my mom and I. He finally decided to allow the cancer to run its natural course.
Much to my relief he also agreed to allow a case worker to find hospice care placement. This takes a lot of pressure and fear off my mom's shoulders.
No more lab test, pin pricks, germ laden hospitals with snobby staff. No more nauseating car rides with mom's jerky driving technique in Houston traffic.
We then had a meeting with the hospice case worker, a bright bubbly lady in her 50's named Lynn. She really put us at ease explaining what kind of care was involved and emphasized that he'd still be in charge, everyone would be working for him, that he would still be making the decision, etc. etc. "Caring, not curing" she explained. The sole purpose would simply to make him as comfortable as possible so that he could "die with dignity." I could literally see my dad relax and some of his anger finally dissipating.
Instead of sulking as my mom wheeled him out of the office, he said he was hungry. We all ate together in the cafe on the first floor and he got some boxed sushi and ate all the contents. I think this is a good sign that he's finally letting go and trying to enjoy what he can.
We met with the oncologist this afternoon and from the lab work my dad's too frail to even undergo chemotherapy. The doctor explained the situation to him very patiently and assured him he could always change his mind if he really wanted to put up the fight but was very frank about the risks involved. Dr. Glover then allowed him the time to quietly think this through without the input of my mom and I. He finally decided to allow the cancer to run its natural course.
Much to my relief he also agreed to allow a case worker to find hospice care placement. This takes a lot of pressure and fear off my mom's shoulders.
No more lab test, pin pricks, germ laden hospitals with snobby staff. No more nauseating car rides with mom's jerky driving technique in Houston traffic.
We then had a meeting with the hospice case worker, a bright bubbly lady in her 50's named Lynn. She really put us at ease explaining what kind of care was involved and emphasized that he'd still be in charge, everyone would be working for him, that he would still be making the decision, etc. etc. "Caring, not curing" she explained. The sole purpose would simply to make him as comfortable as possible so that he could "die with dignity." I could literally see my dad relax and some of his anger finally dissipating.
Instead of sulking as my mom wheeled him out of the office, he said he was hungry. We all ate together in the cafe on the first floor and he got some boxed sushi and ate all the contents. I think this is a good sign that he's finally letting go and trying to enjoy what he can.
posted by cchang at 11:16 PM
4 Comments:
Hi Cindy,
It's hard for me to make comments on this issue but at least your Dad is calming down and easing the pressure off you guys. I can't imagine what it must be like for him. I'd probably be pretty damn angry and not easily calmed down,
Don't feel like you need to comment, Shawn. A lot of times there's nothing to say. Just know that I'm thinking about you and that I'm not brushing you off if I don't answer your emails in a timely fashion.
Cindy,
I wish I were there to give you and your mom both a hug. Just remember how much your mom needs you to be strong right now. It is probably hardest on her. And she doesn't mean to be a bad driver. Especially if she isn't usually a good driver, Houston just intensifies the pressure. Give her a hug and try to swallow your anger.
I'm glad your dad has decided against chemo. It is so debilitating and in the case, so useless, apparently. I am just so sad for all of you.
Sandy
Thanks Sandy. Normally the jerky driving isn't a big but it makes my dad's nausea so much worse and he's sort of a ticking time bomb of anger these days. :(
It is definitely the hardest on her. Even now she's having a hard time letting go of her responsibilities to a hospice worker. She's a bit jaded against medical staff, but I can't blame her.
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