Monday, April 14, 2008

car shows and hot mamitas

I don't really get car culture. Even though I'm Asian, I just don't go to car shows. I drive a pretty dinky fuel efficient Nissan Sentra and its fanciest feature is the CD player. The thing does not even have power locks and windows. I never saw any of the "2 Fast 2 Furious" movies, car terminology befuddles me, "drifting" is a term I use for tectonic science and I really can't tell the difference between a car model, a stripper and a porn star.

My brother on the other hand attends these things all the time. He used to drive an Acura Integra...the models also know him by name. Anyhow he was down here this weekend for the HIN (Hot Import Nights) Nightshift show over at the Travis Expo Center and my mother, T and I tagged along for the spectacle. We didn't even see that many spokes models, so to make up for that we took turns imitating them (just imagine either one of us in a string bikini to get the full effect, unless you want to keep your lunch down, of course):

Who encapsulates slutty car bitch better, my brother or I? Hard to say...I am a gal after all, but he's immersed in the culture and has a bigger rack than I.

Apparently the shows in Dallas are much fancier, indoors with spot lighting, DJs and fashion shows. This event was outdoors in the expo center parking lot:

In fact seeing a row of Port-a-potties behind such a beautiful vehicles was a real hoot for me:

The benefit of having an outdoor show however, was that we could view the motor sport of Drifting. It's marginally more interesting than NASCAR. I have to say that T's photo panning technique is really good though:

For the record one of those cars is a Mazda 626, which is what I drove in High School. Had I given it a sparkly purple paint job and added a spoiler to it, my dad would of had a heart attach.

And here are some of the other exotic imports we took pics of:

So yeah, I know nothing about car shows, but I still have my stereotypical blanket generalizations regarding those who showcase their supped-up vehicles based off of my 2 hour observation period:

1) If you're black you've added a bad ass stereo system to your car along with a sub woofer so powerful that it takes out all the traffic lights whenever you cruise down the road with your windows down. Hot sweet-ass girlfriend goes without saying. You probably have a video surveillance camera affixed to the back ready to capture the mother fucker who's out to steal them shiny twirling hubcaps. They're made out of platinum after all and the market value of precious metals is pretty high right now...

2) If you're Latino...your car is so low to the ground that it's got a clearance of 2 inches. You're probably trying to figure out how to get it even lower. Shocks are meaningless to you unless you can get the car to bounce to the beat of the music blaring out of your speakers. The hot chick you're dating is merely a car accessory. If she's not draped over the hood or leaning against your precious vehicle while it's parked, she's useless.

3) If you're Asian, you've got a stunted sense of color. Your car is either black, white, silver or electric blue. It doesn't matter which Honda you're vamping up as long as it has a huge ass spoiler in the back and neon lights underneath the car. Your tires cost more than your mortgage. You don't really have a hot Asian girlfriend because she's trying to run off with the white dude from the drifting tournament. That's okay though because you've got more than enough state of the art electronic gadgets in your car to make NASA blush and that GPS device you have installed in the dash board can hone in on your gal, send a mini missile out of the hood and blow the shit up out her, the racer-boy and his car with a touch of a button.

4) If you're a white-dude, you've fitted your car with an engine powerful enough to service Hoover damn, and for whatever reason, it's not good enough the doors open side ways....noooooo you've got to have them open upwards, or diagonally or something. If that's not the case, then you just own a freaking expensive European car like a Bentley or a Lamborghini and you have more tanned blonds following you around the Hugh Hefner. All of your girlfriends are tying to be HIN models, but in reality are either attending Law School or working at the local titty bar...or both.

This is me voicing my observations. My brother thinks I'm nuts:

Back to the topic of the car show models (which to me is far more interesting than cars). Apparently there are 2 classes of gals that frequent these shows and to over hear them talk smack about each other cracks the shit out of me (Like OMG, look at Sissy eating that corn dog in public. It's gonna make her sooo fat. Her cellulite looks like battles scars and what's with all of that cheap bronzing powder her ass? I guess she doesn't make enough at Sugar's to buy the real stuff. Mine's made out of gold...). It really comes down to fake tits vs. cellulite on their end, it seems, but what I speak of is the tiff between the HIN spokes models versus the local car/bikini models. It's a class difference. Apparently the spokes models are the ones selected via audition and travel with the shows. They consider themselves the read deal, make tons of money and have the glory of the seeing their air brushed bodies plastered on the walls of lonely bachelors across the country. What they seem to gloss over however, is that a good bulk of the spokes models used to be car models before they were "discovered..."

Car models:

Spokes model (and Johnny):

I dunno, can you tell a huge difference? Hot's hot right?

Even though I didn't chat directly with any of the local car models I will say they seemed a good bit more humble and "real" to me. I did however make my way to the HIN table and after getting repeatedly turned off by the snobbish bitchy attitude of most of the gals (I think I had to shell $5 just to approach one of them...can y'all think of something else that would require me to pay money to talk to a pretty gal? Mmm hmmm...yeah), I settled on the lovely Ms. Jenny Chu who not only had a brain but a very sweet demeanor. If you need to get your rocks off, go visit her website. She's hot and Asian. You can't beat the combo.

She was gracious enough to not only sign her page in the calendar and glossy 8x10 I got for my brother (I guess T's content with looking at me because he didn't ask for one), but also happily posed for a picture with Johnny.

Anyhow, I think he was pleased to get a memento from the show. I'm a cool sister. What can I say?

In reality, I think he would have been too bashful to get one for himself since mom was with us. heh.

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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

SubNatural: Video Blogs and Lucid Dementia Show

SubNatural is one of my favorite local acts in the Industrial/Goth scene and I just noticed that they've posted some video blogs on their MySpace blog featuring new music sound snippets, live footage and musings from their front man, RitchN.

If you are in the Austin area, I highly recommend seeing them. Actually, you can see them this Friday at Elysium because they're opening for Lucid Dementia's CD release party. (Man, I keep forgetting I'm in this band now...still hasn't sunk in that I'm playing this Friday...).

So um, show info:

Lucid Dementia's Official Site
SubNatural's Myspace

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