Wednesday, July 26, 2006

People. Just call it Poop. Please.

I can't believe I forgot to share the Informercial Poop experience this weekend.
It was saturday afternoon, I was snacking on a bowl of cereal in front of the tele (one of the few times I do watch television) and flipping channels. Sewing with Nancy... Nascar Driving...Beverly Hills Cops #3...nah and then I hear:

Your body is a vessel. When you use our herbal supplement, you're worshiping your body. You'll feel a sense of invigorating freshness....

Or something like that. Was this douche commercial? What the hell were they talking about? So, I watched more.

A squirrelly looking guy was gushing about how important it is to keep our colon clean as two other people, one a doctor who looked more like a televangelist and another who looked like a high school gym teacher, kept nodding (and looking uncomfortable). I couldn't help but wonder if the squirrelly looking guy had 3 voluminous poops a day and if so, why did he still look constipated. It was for this product:

Dual Action Clense

As the show went on, it dawned onto me that they would all go through great lengths to avoid using the words excrement, fecal matter, bowels, stool and of course poop, crap and shit just to name a few. There were gobs of flowery euphemisms he used. At one point the doctor asked Mr. Squirrel if people would feel any discomfort using the product. He replies with something along the lines of:

Think of your body as a fish tank that hasn't been clensed in a while. After scraping all the algae off the sides the water becomes murky. People feel an odd sensation akin to that feeling

What the fuck?

I'm assuming he means watery stool, but who knows. He never once said poop. Granted, the website is a little more explicit, but it sort of glosses over the gory details. Colon buildup is a real problem that can lead to cancer and other digestive causes.

The Dr. Natura site (I'm guessing a competitor) on the other hand is way more graphic. To be honest though, i know what they're selling. The results, although gross, are much more convincing than stories of clean fishtanks and feeling of etherial fluffy lightness. Check out poop gallery from that site:

Dr. Natura Excrement Gallery

I'm not sure why people decided to lay out their feces on the toilet bowl, but it does get the point across. Next time I need my insides scraped out, I'm going with Dr. Natura, baby. :P

3 Comments:

Blogger sarah said...

wow. that's an impressively disgusting picture gallery. i can't stop looking...

Friday, July 28, 2006  
Blogger cchang said...

yeah I know...it's addictive in that highway accident by the side of the road sort of way.

Monday, July 31, 2006  
Blogger newloghere said...

Interesting site. Useful information. Bookmarked.
»

Thursday, August 17, 2006  

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